Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

Rating: ****/*****, or 8/10

One of Tim Burton's finest and most underrated films, based on the equally great book by Roald Dahl. Poor Charlie Bucket (Freddie Highmore) is in for a major change in his life when he finds a coveted Golden Ticket in a chocolate bar, which allows him and his grandfather (David Kelly) to visit the grand chocolate factory run by the mysterious hermit Willy Wonka (another wacky character performed with the necessary flair and theatricality by Johnny Depp, in his fourth collaboration with Burton). Together with four other lucky kids, each with his/her own unique depraved character defect (making them generally unsympathetic little bastards), and their equally abhorring parents, young Charlie is in for the ride of his life when he's confronted with the dazzlingly delightful wonders of Wonka's works in a vast array of mouth-watering scenes of candy fantasy. However, the factory has its dark sides too, as the nasty kids soon discover when their flaws get the better of them, leading them to their so deserved doom. Burton's Gothic visual style and witty sense of dark irony lend themselves perfectly for adapting Dahl's chocolate fairy tale to the big screen, with fabulous results. Includes some excellent and memorable songs performed by the Oompa-Loompas, a race of Lilliputians from a far-off land in Wonka's employ, as well as a wicked bit part for the brilliant Christopher Lee as Wonka's dentist father, adding a bit of depth to the character of this amazing but obviously mentally unstable chocolateer.

Starring: Johnny Depp, Freddie Highmore, David Kelly

Directed by Tim Burton

USA: Warner Bros, 2005

Centurion

Rating: ***/*****, or 7/10

Enjoyable high adrenaline action film set in Roman times. In the Second Century A.D., a Roman legion sets out on a mission in the unconquered north of Britain but walks into an ambush and gets viciously decimated, after which a ragtag group of survivors of various ranks and ethnic backgrounds led by Quintus Dias (Michael Fassbender, just before his definite breakthrough roles in X-Men: First Class and Shame the year after) must run for their lives behind enemy lines to get back to Hadrian's Wall and safety. Unfortunately for them, they're hunted by an elite team of killer Picts led by the mute but scary assassin Etain (Olga Kurylenko). Will any of them make it out alive? And if they do, could they ever go back to the life of Roman soldiery? Neil Marshall (The Descent, Doomsday) does his thing as an accomplished action director and doesn't bother making anything even resembling a Roman epic, but delivers a simple chase flick set in ancient times instead. What the film lacks in its straightforward story it makes up for decently in action and suspense. Ironically enough, the following year The Eagle was released (very similar plot wise but more serious in tone), which in terms of story was almost a direct sequel, though that particular production had no ties to Centurion.

Starring: Michael Fassbender, Olga Kurylenko, Dominic West

Directed by Neil Marshall

UK: Celador Films, 2010

This awesome animated poster was also attached to the film, setting the tone of the movie more effectively than the regular theatrical poster bothered to do:

Caveman

Rating: ***/*****, or 6/10

Zany comedy set in prehistoric times. Ex-Beatle Ringo Starr stars as Atouk, a clumsy caveman who, because of his desire to win the heart of a beautiful cave girl that belongs to a strong, muscular and aggressive tribe leader, is banished and forms his own tribe of various equally oddball Cro-Magnon men that have been outcast by their tribes. Finding strength in friendship the misfits, including a midget, a blind man and a caveman that talks in perfect English while the rest of them only grunt and use gibberish words, have some wacky adventures and eventually evolve and discover the secrets of fire, cooking and love, and also manage to survive in a world filled with not-so-terrifying dimwitted dinosaurs and other assorted deliciously goofy, stop motion animated creatures. Fun comedic romp containing a few good gags, but as a whole nothing remarkable, except for animated dinosaurs, which are always a welcome sight.

Starring: Ringo Starr, Dennis Quaid, Shelley Long

Directed by Carl Gottlieb

USA: Turman-Foster Company, 1981

Cassandra Crossing, The

Rating: ***/*****, or 6/10

Slow paced disaster flick, released at the time the disaster movie cycle of the Seventies had already almost worn itself out, yet still featuring all the typical hallmarks of the genre. This isn't the worst of the bunch though, as it features a fairly intriguing disaster scenario. A terrorist releases a deadly disease on an international train traveling through Europe, after which governments conspire to let the train travel to its doom rather than see the disease spread (a plot exemplary of the overall grim atmosphere running rampant in movies of the Seventies). As the train heads towards the infamous Cassandra Crossing with its immense ravine and poorly constructed bridge, survivors on board, led by Richard Harris, try to find a way off before they arrive at their destiny of death. Being a disaster movie, it'll come as no surprise when we see the train crashing into the depths of the crossing in a way that was supposed to look epic but features a model train a bit too obviously. Still, decent try, and not as tiresomely long as the likes of Earthquake and The Towering Inferno.

Starring: Richard Harris, Sophia Loren, Martin Sheen

Directed by George P. Cosmatos

UK/Italy: Associated General Films, 1976

From The Abyss to Zwartboek: updating the archives at last!

You might have noticed the lack of 'new news' on my front page. However, I can safely say I'm still working on this blog, as those of you who've checked out the archives page regularly might have noticed by now. Thanks to a few people a lot smarter than me, I finally learned how to add mini-reviews to that particular blog section, so expect it to be updated at least as frequently, if not more so, than the main page. My main goal for the archives is to create a complete and comprehensible guide to all movies I have ever seen (insofar as I remember them, some of the really old ones might get neglected), each movie accompanied by a rating, a short review and some production info. You can imagine that's gonna be one heck of a long list once I'm done with it. And since I will continue to see more movies in my life time (or so I assume), it naturally won't ever be actually done to begin with.

Being the neurotic person I am, I have begun adding films in alphabetical order, starting with the ones I own. The movies that I will talk about on the main page have already been added, and they'll probably be the only cases of me breaking my own alphabetical routine. So people wondering what my thoughts are on Zwartboek, you'll have to wait a while longer...

Caligula

Rating: ***/*****, or 6/10

One of the most bizarre entries in the recorded history of cinema, this kinky movie is clearly a product of the seventies with its 'laissez-faire' attitude towards movie contents. The story behind this production is at least as intriguing and sleazy as the final product itself. A grandiose mixture of historical epicness and pornography, this movie went through many tumultuous phases, both during and particularly after production. At its core it tells the story of Caligula (Malcolm McDowell), a young man who rose to be Emperor of ancient Rome at the death of his vile old uncle Tiberius (Peter O'Toole surrounded by naked people), but ruled for only four years because of his disgusting appetites. The movie shows, among other things, Caligula hosting several orgies, engaging in incest with his sister Drusilla (Teresa Ann Savoy) and having hundreds of people viciously executed for next to no reason. McDowell does an excellent job of portraying the spoiled but traumatized young emperor, but he's outstaged at every turn by the abundance of explicit sex scenes, including fellatio, cunnilingus, lesbian sex, group sex, people urinating on each other, attempted intercourse with fish and various other animals, naked mutants and about everything else the Penthouse producers could think of: it'll come as no surprise original screen writer Gore Vidal had his name removed from the credits when he noticed what had been done to his serious screen play. From a camp perspective, this is actually all rather fun, but if you're looking for historical accuracy, or subtlety, you'll find little here. The movie is still banned in several countries, while there has been almost a dozen cuts in circulation over the years, and none of the make for a really good film, but all of them are fascinating to behold nonetheless.

Starring: Malcolm McDowell, Helen Mirren, Peter O'Toole

Directed by Tinto Brass, Bob Guccione

Italy/USA: Penthouse Film International, 1979

Brüno

Rating: ***/*****, or 6/10

Sacha Baron Cohen mindlessly repeats his success of Borat by appropriating the same type of narrative set-up to his other infamous character, the excessively explicitly gay German fashion designer Brüno. First introducing Brüno in his natural environment at a fashion show turned awry, he's taken out of his element when banned from the fashion industry, after which his lover leaves him and he travels to America to become famous once more, insulting most conceivable minorities in the process in a series of loosely attached sketches. Whereas this approach led to great results in Borat, in the case of Brüno it leads to a distinct feeling of 'been there, done that'. What's more, the cheap gay jokes simply are not as original or as outrageous as Borat's repertoire and many miss their mark. However, there's still plenty to enjoy for at least one decent watch, including Brüno adopting a coloured baby he names O.J., visiting a swinger club to take advise on how to become straight and interviewing parents all too eager to let their child break through in show business about a role for their kids in a scene involving heavy antiquated machinery and Nazi uniforms. Filled with every thinkable cliché involving homosexuals, a lot of them simply cringy worthy, gay people had best ignore this flick.

Starring: Sacha Baron Cohen, Gustaf Hammarsten, Clifford Baňagale

Directed by Larry Charles

USA: Universal Pictures, 2009