Today's Triple News: Fantastic Frozen Sex and where to find it on tape

One does not simply post news on MovieScene and walk away from it:

http://www.moviescene.nl/p/154803/eerste_trailer_sex_tape_online

http://www.moviescene.nl/p/154770/frozen_meest_winstgevende_animatiefilm_ooit

http://www.moviescene.nl/p/154757/fantastic_beasts_and_where_to_find_them_wordt_trilogie

I gotta say, that trailer made me chuckle. That doesn't mean the movie will, as this is basically a thirteen-a-dozen raunchy studio comedy aimed at a predominantly adolescent audience, revolving about sexual (mis)conduct to get the public titillated in advance. There have been many similar movies over the last few years - among them Sex Drive, No Strings Attached, A Good Old-Fashioned Orgy, Zack and Miri Make a Porno, Hall Pass and We're the Millers, though all took a hint from American Pie (which itself hearkened back to material from the Eighties like Porky's, so it's not all a new phenomenon) - and very few of them proved even the slightest bit memorable. As always, the best jokes appear to be in the trailer and once you've seen that, there's little reason to go watch the actual movie. Sex Tape's trailer is running long just under three minutes, so don't be annoyed if you watch it first and the movie second and find there's little surprises left in the film. Or perhaps that's just overly cynical. After all, the cast list mentions Jack Black and Jolene Blalock (T'Pol!) and neither of them is featured in this preview. Maybe they're just bit parts, maybe the trailer does keep some stuff from the final movie from our prying eyes. I reckon Sex Tape is just gonna be an average sexy Hollywood comedy that makes you forget your woes for two hours and remember you have any woes as soon as the lights turn on, because none of the movie sticks to mind for very long. And it's plausible it will do very well at the box office because there's conveniently no other comedies scheduled for that time of the year. Which means we can "look forward" to a second Sex Tape in two or three years time. Just as is the case with the previous movie from this director and his two main stars, Bad Teacher, which turns out to get a sequel nobody asked for. Considering sex sells, expect a trilogy soon.

What also sells (segue!) is delightfully animated family entertainment, and Disney is back on top in that game. Pixar, under the Mouse House's wings, is continuously letting us down creatively, forced to focus on unneccessary sequels, so now the new Walt Disney Studios Animation department can fill that inspirational gap by exploring new ideas and fresh avenues. Or basically doing what Disney always did best, cannibalizing a classic fairy tale of sorts and Disneyfying the heck out of it (though in a bit more modern fashion these days, as it happens to be the 21st century). It's an age old routine that proves as effective and lucrative today as it did before, as Frozen shows. Beating Toy Story 3 from the top spot, there's your new Highest Grossing Animated Movie of All Time. For now, as such records have a tendency to be broken every odd year lately. Blame the studio's increasing insistence on 3D to raise admission costs (again). Or admit Frozen was simply a good movie, a welcome reprieve from Pixar's last few letdowns. And don't be alarmed if you see a Frozen 2 popping up somewhere in the next few years: you don't honestly think Disney can let this success slide without milking more money out of it by pushing sequels on us?

Speaking of milking (another seque! I'm on a roll here!), Harry Potter is over and done with but there's still more dough to be made from the brand name, so let the spinning-off commence! Studio Warner has J.K. Rowling's permission to do so, and even her assistance in fact, as she will pen the screenplay for the first installment of Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them. Even though it remains to be seen whether a coherent story line as gripping as the Potter proper stories can be distilled from what was basically a fun little exploration of the Potterverse that was never intended to be made into a major motion picture, the studio is moving ahead on a trilogy of films. A cautious studio would start with a single movie and see how that works out, but as the blockbuster studio system is increasingly relying on tentpole franchises - and their various spin-offs - to keep itself going, caution isn't something they feel they can afford. So now we'll see whether a Potter movie can do without the actual Potter element, by revealing magic and monsters are enough to keep us going to theaters, or whether it was the life and times of the Boy-Who-Lived himself  that proved the quintessential compelling ingredient of the franchise, not to be omitted so easily on second attempts. If "her" movie fails, this trilogy could come crashing down like a house of cards, so Rowling will have a tough job working her magic a second time.

Today's Mini-Review: The Counselor

The Counselor: ***/*****, or 6/10

According to Cormac McCarthy, acclaimed author of novels such as No Country for Old Men and The Road (and thus indirectly also responsible for two great cinematic adaptations of said works), hell hath no fury like a woman hungry. In his screenwriting debut, The Counselor, we learn a thing or two about women for sure. They can be the most scheming, conniving, ruthlessly intelligent and sexually uninhibited creatures imaginable, or they can be loving, charming wives-to-be instead, though the former eats the latter for lunch if left to her shady devices. McCarthy also means to inform his audience on a diverse range of other assorted topics with this film, including the make-up of diamonds, the dangers of speeding (which can lead to both incarceration and decapitation), the sexually stimulating nature of fast cars and the machinations of a deadly device called a bolito (which we will end up seeing in working order in much more detail than we would like to have seen before the film is over) but the exact workings of the film's main topic, a drug deal gone horribly awry, remain rather elusive by comparison. McCarthy proves he's as consistent in his job as a screen writer as he is a novelist, as he keeps dabbling in the cynical realm associated with man's darker, greedier nature, but coherency unfortunately is not his strong suit as evidenced here.

The Counselor features all the ingredients of a strong, effective film, including an intriguing premise, a top-notch director in the person of Sir Ridley Scott and a solid cast to match. The counselor in question is an otherwise nameless man (Michael Fassbender) who leads a seemingly happy life with his fiancé Laura (Penelope Cruz), but aspires to gain much more by better playing his card of being in a position of influence, which leads him to the decision of getting involved in a lucrative but risky drug deal. His associates, the flamboyant bon-vivant Reiner (Javier Bardem) and the cautionary Westray (Brad Pitt) tell him of the dangers of such deals in juicy details (most of which we will see come to bloody fruition in a grand case of cinematic parallelism), but the counselor accepts the job nonetheless. You know this charming man is gonna regret his choice well before he actually makes it, but you'll find him sympathetic enough to root for him to be successful in this venture. When the trafficker loses his head, someone at the top of the game loses a lot of money, patience and general goodwill towards man, which leads to everybody's necessity to bail out immediately or face grave, disturbing consequences. Reiner's girlfriend Malkina (Cameron Diaz), a woman as gorgeous as she is devious and greedy above all else, soon seems to be pulling all the strings and relentlessly hunts the money and those in her way. A killing spree erupts, in which a fair share of people, decent and not so decent alike, lose it all, during which the counselor must come to terms with the very bad call he made, one we always knew from the get-go would come to this conclusion. This film sounds very much like a thriller, which it wants to be, but the amount of thrills it offers comes up short. In fact, the first half of the movie is comprised of endless dialogue, some beautifully written, some less catchy, but much of it quite digressing and ultimately redundant. When the shit finally hits the fan, it does so with a vengeance in a bunch of short, brutal bursts, but by that time many spectators will have seized to care, or worse, failed to understand just what is going on and who is connected to who in the ultimate scheme of things considering the many players and their complicated and underdeveloped interrelations.

Nevertheless, what The Counselor lacks in terms of writing, Sir Ridley often makes up for to some extent in directing, as the film's best moments are largely cinematic in nature, including the drug dealer accidentally shot in the head and immediately robbed by local vagabonds before being devoured by his own cheetahs, as well as the already infamous scene displaying Malkina's inexplicable drive to copulate with a nice car (Cameron certainly goes for it!), an ecstatic moment of absurdity that ruins the ride for its bewildered owner. The Counselor has all the hallmarks of a flawed masterpiece, as everything is necessary to craft a grand, suspenseful film, but none of it is arranged in the correct order and the dominant overall tone of cynicism, McCarthy's overarching theme, makes it hard to behold as it schemes its way towards an unsettling climax.

Today's News: women soon expendable too

Old news by now, but still new enough for posting, as it is mine and this is my blog so I post whatever pleases me anyway:

http://www.moviescene.nl/p/151194/diaz_streep_en_jovovich_als_expendabelles

Expendabelles... I actually like that cheeky play on words. Of course it confirms this is basically just a rehash of the Expendables, except with an all-girl team, but I think most audiences would have picked up on that anyway, so why not exploit it to the fullest from the get-go? After all, the Expendables has become quite a brand name, so there's no harm in riding along its wake of success from a commercial viewpoint, especially if the rights belong to the same studio. A film like this was bound to happen, really; with all of the recent action films that feel like Eighties-throwbacks,  spouting their testosteron all over the place, a cry for girl power was to be expected sooner rather than later. I'm only surprised it took so long to get a project like this into gear. Coming from someone who got beat up by his sister regularly as a kid, I know there's plenty of strong women who take crap from no man, though not enough films have made use of this fact. Sure, there's the occasional female action star, but an all-girl team of commandos kicking butt? I can't think of a title that covers that angle. Charlie's Angels comes closest, so I'm not surprised at all Cameron Diaz' name has been revealed to be attached to this film. Same goes for Milla Jovovich, who alone has starred in just about as many action flicks - six Resident Evil films for instance - as all other female action stars combined. Meryl Streep however is an intriguing choice. Surely one of those olden goldies (which is not meant to come off as condescending to actors/actresses who were already active and successful in the Eighties, and still are today) that commands respect, though not particularly in a physical sense (and she better not sing!). In terms of acting it's certainly gratifying to see a woman of her caliber in a starring role. The names of Gina Carano and Katee Sackhoff also sound right up this film's alley, even though they may not be as familiar to general audiences as the previous trio. Still, I think there's room for more here. Linda Hamilton? Sigourney Weaver? Angelina Jolie? Rhona Mitra? Michelle Rodriguez? Seems like there's enough potential actresses to pick from for this film and two sequels at least.

Then there is this question, which just had to be asked at some point (though I haven't heard anybody else on the topic yet, surprisingly): if Expendables and Expendabelles are from the same studio, does that mean they share a universe from a narrative angle, which may lead to a crossover between the male and female departments, resulting in one super-ultimate, big-ass action flick-to-end-all-action-flicks? Or would people prefer to see gents and dames stick to their own corners instead of going at each other, which could only lead to the girls' defeat? I for one really can't see any female action stars surpassing the likes of Stallone and Schwarzenegger in terms of physical stamina, expertise with weaponry or sheer muscles. In terms of intelligence though...

Bad Teacher

Rating: **/*****, or 4/10

Dull and predictable semi-raunchy comedy involving a rude and highly unqualified high school teacher (Cameron Diaz) who finds herself in a financial predicament after the guy she's been leeching money off on dumps her, after which she sets off to sleezily seduce a cute new substitute colleague (Justin Timberlake) who's also fairly wealthy, main tactic being to get a breast job done. She's continuously foiled in her scheme by another, more popular teacher who also has the hots for Timberlake, as well as a gym teacher who's actually in love with the bitchy protagonist for unfathomable reasons. The race is on, as is the attempt to squeeze in a lot of lame titty jokes and general foul language. Of course, the movie gets unsurprisingly moralistic near the climax as Diaz finds out she's a bad person and real love is just around the corner if you look close enough. Been there, done that.

Starring: Cameron Diaz, Jason Segel, Justin Timberlake

Directed by Jake Kasdan

USA: Columbia Pictures, 2011