Rating:
*/*****, or 1/10
Absolutely
dismal attempt to make something resembling a horror comedy, like
only the Japanese in their sick psycho minds could produce (any
Japanese people that have seen this thing would undubitably concur
with me in that last bigotry ridden statement). Easily one of the
worst films I've ever seen, which unfortunately even ended up in my
movie collection (I never knew my friends disliked me so much they
would give me this monstrosity for my birthday... but at least I
didn't pay for it, except for the ten years it took away from my life
by giving me brain rot). Except for a few nice naked breasts sparsely
displayed throughout, there's just nothing redeemable about this
audiovisual piece of poo that by rights shouldn't even be allowed to
be called a movie, since that would insult anyone who's ever worked
on proper films. The plot, if there is such a thing here, revolves
around a few exotic dancers (a bunch of girls with hardly any acting
experience, which is clearly revealed) who find themselves under
siege by completely unconvincing looking zombies (my cat's fleas
could have provided better make-up effects!) after discovering some
old book containing incantations capable of resurrecting the dead.
Every supposed joke the brainless mutants called 'writers' make
misses its mark completely, making this movie so painfully
cringeworthy this flick is very hard to sit through, even though it's
running for only 74 minutes. To make matters worse – yes, that is
actually possible – the movie boasts 3D effects: every time an icon
pops up in the corner of the screen, you can put on your 3D glasses,
but what is seen when wearing these is not 3D, it's just jumbled,
messed up imagery, inducing nasty headaches within seconds. Depth is
obviously non-existent in every way here, it might as well be called
a 0D movie. If there ever is such a thing as a public movie burning
rally somewhere, this is the title you're most likely to see in agony
on the bon fire; I'd be first in line to make sure no copies of this
horrific pile of garbage survive the event. Original Japanese title:
Kyonyȗ
Doragon: Onsen zonbi vs sutorippȃ
5: if there's indeed a part 1 through 4 of this (I never bothered
finding this out), watching the series in a marathon is nothing short
of committing seppuku, the
dishonourable version.
“Starring”:
Sola Aoi, Risa Kasumi, Mari Sakurai
“Directed”
by Takao Nakano
Japan:
Big Tits Dragon Production Committee, 2010
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