Today's Double News: this year's Razzies and some potential future candidates

Again, two bits of older news I didn't have time to post until today. You can blame the Oscars for that, just intervening with my regular routine like they own this blog.

http://www.moviescene.nl/p/154145/movie_43_en_after_earth_grote_winnaars_razzies

http://www.moviescene.nl/p/154137/_wachowskis_maken_mogelijk_nieuwe_matrix

You may not have been aware of it with all the Oscar festivities going on, as is the case every year, but there were some other movies around this weekend that got to win some awards. Not the ones they hoped for no doubt, but in both major winners' cases, I really like to think the makers of these films were self-aware enough to realize they would never win Oscars with these crappy products they were unleashing on an unsuspecting audience. If not, the Razzies should have unwarped their sense of reality. The only movie I felt won undeservedly was The Lone Ranger: it was far from perfect, but definitely not in the same league of shittiness as Grown Ups 2. No wins for Adam Sandler this time though, but let's face it, both After Earth and Movie 43 proved at least as abysmal as anything Mr. Sandler ever did, if not more so. Plus, maybe there was a little too much Sandler ripping going on at the Razzies and it was simply time for a change. Sandler must make do with the various nominations this time, and I'm sure that'll agree with him. I was unlucky enough to see After Earth and witness the devastating effect it had on appreciating humanity first hand. Since I too voted it my worst film of 2013 (so did the rest of the gang at MovieScene, and most everybody else), I wholeheartedly agree with these wins, and I hope those sequel plans will now go down the drain for good. On the other hand, I am fortunate enough not to have seen all of Movie 43: a friend of mine semi-forced me to watch a single scene - he had to share his trauma with others to beter cope with it, and who am I to turn down a pal in need? Though afterwards I decided to strongly reconsider my eagerness to help out needful buddies to spare myself future grief - and it was so painfully, embarrassingly and grotesquely unfunny I have yet to mentally get over it. It wasn't even so much the pure non-existence of humour, it was the fact that top actors like Kate Winslet and Hugh Jackman would debase themselves like this for all the world to behold. I don't buy for a moment the consideration that these folks thought they were shooting a scene of singular hilarity for a second. I know that actors who often star in heavy dramatic presentations feel the need to occasionally indulge in more lighthearted fare to stay sane, but there must definitely be limits. This excuse for a movie should be the type of film that breaks careers, and in Movie 43's film, there's a lot of excellent careers to shatter. I guess humanity just collectively decided to ignore the matter as best it could in the hope this film would vanish from memory, but that one single scene unfortunately has not exited mine. Thankfully there's other terribly lousy films to try and unremember too, hopefully rendering Movie 43 the stuff of grey memory matter, and there will definitely be more bad flicks in the future.

Like new Matrix sequels/prequels. Like anybody is actually wanting those. The Matrix trilogy ended over ten years ago and mankind has let it go since then. As it should, considering it was an exercise in how not to follow-up an instant classic, groundbreaking film. Okay, so Reloaded and Revolutions get bashed harder than they deserve on their own merits, but they're still not exactly good movies and showed there's little more worthwile novel stuff to mine from that fantastic first film. Of course, as this is a major franchise - or was, back then - there's always the opportunity for more cash to be milked out of its recognizable name, which is what the big Hollywood studios especialize in nowadays. And the prospect of precious money is undoubtedly the only reason the Wachoskis are on board this project. You can't tell me they honestly think more Matrix movies is a good idea themselves. Just look at that story proposal alone. It offers little new stuff. The emergence of the Matrix has already been explored in some detail in The Animatrix, while the rest of the concept is just a blatant rehash of the events of the first trilogy. Then again, maybe these rumours are indeed just that, and the story will focus on something else entirely. Nevertheless, you'll understand if I remain extremely skeptical about all of this.

Today's Column: why I like the Razzies better than the Oscars

Here's another column I wrote for MovieScene this weekend:

http://www.moviescene.nl/p/153493/column_de_rustgevende_razzies

I must admit inspiration came to me rather late in the game for this one. As a result it's certainly not my best piece, though when I did find a subject it was penned a lot faster than most other columns so far. I firmly believe in the Razzies as a rather stable, quiet ritual that is a welcome diversion from all the other Award fests plaguing the early months of each new year. Because it is solely about bad movies - the definition of which admittedly leaves a little to be desired occasionally, as in the case of The Lone Ranger this year - nobody cares so vigorously as when good movies are concerned. Amidst all the politics, anger and frustration surrounding the Academy Awards and the general discord which ensues when their winners are revealed, there's no such conflict over the Razzies. There's no need to account for bad taste after all: truly bad movies (though often still enjoyable on purpose) are generally considered just that, while defending or debunking the good qualities of a film, especially compared to other good films, causes much more consternation and lack of consensus. Few people will claim they thought Gravity was a bad film, but the level of its 'goodness' is open to questioning when comparing it with other movies that are considered good. Is Her a better movie than 12 Years a Slave? Who's to tell? Is Grown Ups 2 a horrendous picture? Yes, definitely! You have none of the tiresome hype you witness for two months around the Oscars at the Razzies. Plus, the Razzies don't take themselves seriously, while the Oscars do too strongly and not always deservedly so. The Razzies simply are a much more honest ritual, without agressively demanding as much attention from a movie lover as the Oscars sometimes so irritatingly do. So I'm all for Adam Sandler making more movies, just to keep the Razzies going. As long as I don't have to watch them.

Today's Mini-reviews: feel-good and feel-bad

Quartet: ***/*****, or 7/10

Dustin Hoffman's directorial debut brings together a top-notch cast of grand British actors, all of old age but none of them showing any signs of deterioration in terms of acting abilities. At Beecham House, a home for retired musicians, the success of the annual concert in celebration of Verdi's birthday is endangered by a new arrival. Jean (Maggie Smith), a diva with a history, has no interest in returning to the stage, but her former co-singers (Billy Connolly, Pauline Collins) and her estranged ex-husband (Tom Courtenay) have to convince her otherwise in order to save their home financially. Trouble is, they too are hindered by the ups and downs of geriatrics, making for many an endearing moment. A fine cast lifts this otherwise mediocre feel-good film to greater heights, though the typical string of 'old folks' jokes and the fairly predictable outcome of past romantic entanglements never make for remarkably emotionally compelling angles. Apart from the use of real (ex)musicians in the supporting cast and their appropriation of the works of the grand classic composers, it's the main quartet of actors that carries the movie and provides most of the fun; Billy Connolly especially as a rather eccentric and cheeky old man, filled with naughty charisma and ever ready for witty, sexually charged repartee, who never stops to hit on every female he encounters, no matter her age. Michael Gambon also delivers some laughs in his role as an insufferable concert planner plagued by short term memory loss and a general obnoxious and insensible loudmouth attitude. Ironically, the final quartet the title hints at, and the movie in fact builds up to, is left out, so we never get to hear just how good of a singers the main characters are, which is a bit of a downer considering the plot keeps boasting their vocal prowess and their acting talent alone is considerate enough to make you wonder just how talented they are in other departments. However, it's clear this movie is not about the quartet itself, but the long and difficult road towards it. And with a good cast, all actors so clearly enjoying themselves to the fullest, plus the plethora of vocal performances already present in the picture, such closure isn't actually warranted.

After Earth: **/*****, or 3/10

M. Night Shyamalan's worst movie to date, but you can blame its failure on the Smith family, since this is another attempt of Will Smith's to launch his son into stardom. If the gods are just, it ought to backfire seriously. Set in a distant future 1,000 years after humanity has abandoned Earth for making it uninhabitable (as humanity is currently doing), it centers on a father, a battle hardened military officer called Cypher Raige, and his teenage son Kitai, desperately attempting to follow into his father's footsteps (as Jaden Smith is doing himself here, to no avail). Mankind has settled on a different planet where it got into a conflict with an alien race (briefly mentioned but otherwise not shown) who unleashed monsters called Ursa, blind predatory creatures that hunt via the detection of human fear. Cypher led the vanguard in defeating the creatures when he found a way to shut out all sense of fear and became the ultimate Ursa slayer. Unfortunately for his family, and the audience, he seems to have destroyed all other human emotions too, as this is without a doubt Smith's least compelling performance ever: all trace of the charismatic Smith of old has gone, leaving him a sour, dull character. Call him a poor man's Vulcan (he makes Zachary Quinto look like Kolinahr material!). You would feel sorry for Kitai, were it not that Jaden's acting is still humongously subpar as well, not likely to get better any time soon. En route for some good father/son bonding, the Raiges crashland on Earth, which is populated by strange creatures and plagued by harsh geological and climatological phenomena. As Cypher says, 'everything on this planet has evolved to kill humans'. It seems the people that made this movie don't understand just how evolution works and how long it takes. For one thing, if there have been no more humans around for a milennium, how come everything has evolved to kill them? It's just the first in a long line of plot holes that riddle this movie like Swiss cheese. The wounded Cypher – Will Smith spending the rest of the movie sitting down and looking gloomy – sends his frightened son out to retrieve a distress beacon from the ship's tail section, which crashed a 100 miles away. Fortunately for Kitai his father is able to watch and comment on his progress the entire time, so he can endlessly point out what he's doing wrong and what an idiot he is. If only Smith had told his son he can't act for shit before making this movie, it would have saved him a lot of money and spared us 100 minutes of audiovisual agony. Might be Smith had an ulterior motive in making this film though, since it seems laced with Scientology propaganda. Smith's rumoured interest in that cult seems confirmed throughout the movie when he gives long speeches on banning fear and keeping your emotions in check for your own mental and physical health, meant to inspire his whiny son but delivered while he's directly looking into the camera as if he's indoctrinating the spectator. It doesn't work though, since the viewer is too smart to take this bad film seriously, while his son has no time to take in all his lessons anyway as he's continously running for his life from digital giant baboons, digital giant eagles, digital giant cats and other terrors of poorly rendered digital environments until he reaches the tail section – which looks like a few pieces of plastic covered in toilet paper – where he comes to the conclusion there's an Ursa stalking him. Will Kitai defeat the monster, save himself and his father and become a true space ranger? Will his father actually care? Will we? To save you time and money you might otherwise have wasted on this so-called movie, here's the answers: yes, no, no. A predictably happy end cannot be avoided as father and son are reunited, but Cypher still doesn't look like a proud father, and the viewer is simply too concerned with locating the nearest exit to care. Despite the absence of the dreaded plot twist, poor Shyamalan's career seems ever less likely to recover. We can only hope our own future will look nothing like this. That said, I know what the future will hold for this movie: endless hating and being made fun of. But hey, Smith's Afterbirth makes it so easy...